Turning the Heel of a Sock

In the dead of night I turn the heel of a sock.

Listening to a podcast.

Contemplating.

Business. Life. Motherhood.

In that order.

My three year old is curled up beside me. Neither of us can sleep. At one point, before children I slept really well, through everything. Now I find myself wide awake at 3 am. I gave up being frustrated by this. I started embracing it. Sometimes I curl up and breath deeply. Sometimes I just know I am not going to fall back asleep. Tonight is like that. My brain is full of thoughts and ideas outpacing my tired body. Goals, dreams, problem solving. 

With the arrival of our second little girl, after an incredibly difficult nine months from the week I figured out I was pregnant; drove eight hours to a weekend show, by myself, with a really awful head cold and the start of all day baby nausea, to her intense and glorious arrival, I have been contemplating what needed to change to make space for her presence. The answer was how I work.

Last July 2016 I was in full survival mood. I left my part time job and dove head first into making Sarah Elizabeth Fibre Works a reliable full time pursuit. After Fibres West in March 2017 I was forced to put on the breaks. My full on production mode came to a screeching, burning brakes, rubber streaks on the pavement halt. 

That was a blessing in disguise. It was far from stress free. My business had started to pay bills. Not only did the business have its own set of expenses, but we now relied on that income to pay for a part of our life. We were already stretched to the maximum financially, no room to run up a line of credit while I took a break. It was already run up. How on earth was I going to rest, do the best thing for my body and the life inside and earn an income.

There were tears as I cancelled shows and teaching obligations. I wanted to scream, stomp my feet, get angry at the world. I was mad at myself, I felt like a failure not being able to grow a human and run my business full time all at once. In the end there was also a deep sense of calm. A sense of the gift of perspective that comes with motherhood or parenthood in general. In the end there was acceptance. 

Like turning the heel of a sock I had turned a corner in my business. It took a few months to process and settle in. With some strategic work, some focus time and lots of rest I had time to think, evaluate and review. I was also able to see what needed to change and how. I took a serious leap of faith, I stepped back and slowed down. 

With the re launch of my web store, just over a month after our precious new little joined us, I can see how all the slowing down and changes I had to make in my business were necessary. How I had worked hard to create a foundation and now I could continue to build on that, more slowly and intentionally, with a focus that didn't exist in the previous chaos. This has brought about new goals for Sarah Elizabeth Fibre Works. I feel that this is a really exciting time and I am looking forward to sharing this with all my fibre friends, those from the beginning and those soon to come. 

Welcome to the journey!

Walk along with me almost daily on Instagram @sarahelizabethsphere

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